Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's piano? Neither has he. 
I like my women like I like my dogs. Obedient, loyal, and always licking ...
I was religious.... right up until about the age of reason.
Arguing on Facebook is like running in the special Olympic, even if you win you are still retarded
The Obamacare website doesn't work, just like most of the people who voted for Obama.
The Definition Of Toilets: The one and only thing Obama is qualified to do, is clean toilets. . .
.menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... ever notice how most womens probIems begin with men?
"I have a dream" - Martin Luther King jr "I have a drone" - Barrack Hussein Obama
What do you get when you toss a ball into a cage full of monkeys? NBA
Ran into a guy at a bar who said he was a huge rock star back in the '80s I didn't believe but he was adamant.
*ATTENTION* I have a copy of tomorrows newspaper complete with sports scores, police blotters, and other interesting facts!.. I'm selling this for $352.83 a true bargain!! I can deliver the newspaper anytime tomorrow after 9:00 am
When I was at the gym again this morning, I thought to myself "How can I subtly tell everyone that I always go to the gym?"
Don't judge a woman by pounds and she won't judge you by inches.
Fell down on the treadmill just now, got ice cream everywhere.
Conrad Murray convicted of killing a pedophile and we cheer at the verdict?? I bet Dexter Morgan is pleased even tho he didn't get to make a trip to Neverland Ranch!!
When I was younger I used to have a lot of patience, but now I'm like Michael Jackson's Doctor & I have no patients.
Sum girls beg&sum girls borrow sum girls lead & sum girls follow sum bring joy & sum bring sorrow but the best girls just suck & swallow!!
went to the Dr. to have a physical done, he told me that I have to stop masterbating, I asked him why? He said "because I am trying to examine you!"
"Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts." I love it!
Osama's diary found? "Dear Diary, Had an OK day hiding here in the compound. Watched some CNN. 2 of my 3 wives are on the rag, so that's a drag. Well, that's all for now. Bye, Osama " 