Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Apparently 2010 is not the year for Miners..... 
at home on White Wednesday.....just sayin
feels sorry for people who are on trial. Their future is put into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
If you are not looking to get pregnant, the pill is the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy
If your man enough to hit it, your mand enough to take care of it.
Pick it, pack it, fire it up come along, and take a hit from the bong
Man is the only animal that has the True Religion – several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight.
■When I was little… I always thought the moon was following my car.
If I was the Director of NASA, I would make all of the ground crew dress up as Apes when the space shuttle Atlantis lands just to screw with them....now that would make a good movie...
changing my iPhone signature to say, Sent from my bathroom.
sometimes I stroll through homeless shelters handing out real estate pamphlets just for fun.
Life is funny. Well ok, just My life. Ok everyone please stop LOL-ing,ROFL-ing, and LMMAO-ing. Thank you
The most dangerous animal you never want to come across on the African Safari is an American tourist.
thinking Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
NBA cancels first two weeks of the season. I hope Kim and Khloe are gonna be ok........
Macho Man died today. He is survived by his wife and their one son Koolaid Man.
Love is like a rubber band. At first we keep on pulling and pulling. Then when someone let go, it hurts the person who holds on.
FACT: When a woman feels like her emotions are being played with.............She becomes the FBI...
Girl:i"d French kiss you. Guy: I'd Australian kiss you Girl: What's that? Guy: A french kiss only down under ;)
If Paris Hilton was a super hero she would be called Wonder why your famous woman! 