Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 4596 of 6445

   messageicon A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.  He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing...... 
←Rate | 12-19-2009 04:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if ghost say "I see living people"?!
←Rate | 01-06-2010 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if paper beats rock, then let me throw a rock at you while you hold up a piece of paper.
←Rate | 03-13-2010 19:15 by Sarii Comments (0)  


   messageicon If he threw toilet paper, like he did in Puerto Rico, it would be a more useful response than what he has shown thus far.
←Rate | 03-16-2020 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the line was so long at chick fil a, I got some KFC to eat while I waited...
←Rate | 08-01-2012 15:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Former Olympic Skater Nancy Kerrigan was arrested today on a DUI.....She blew 8.6 /7.8 /5.6 /.6.7/and 7.3
←Rate | 08-04-2012 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if clouds look down on us and say "Hey look! That one looks like an idiot."
←Rate | 08-22-2013 02:16 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a "tree hugger", but I'd like for my grandkids to have "oxygen".
←Rate | 03-09-2013 09:27 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dropped my cell phone in water. I dried it out in a bag of Uncle Ben's. He stole my minutes.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 10:58 by Mcboot Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does a hooker make more money than a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and re-sell it!
←Rate | 06-27-2011 19:18 by Duuude! Comments (0)  


   messageicon this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?
←Rate | 05-08-2011 22:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ate some bad Indian food... and now I know how to pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to.
←Rate | 06-02-2011 03:05 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never go Bungee Jumping. Put all your faith in a piece of Rubber? I got here because of its failure and I don't plan on giving it a chance to take me out!
←Rate | 03-19-2011 13:11 by Keith Albert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a drinking problem and don't intend on doing a thing about it!
←Rate | 09-16-2011 21:25 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don't BRO me, I am a single child and I'm white.
←Rate | 02-01-2012 18:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's pretty funny to strap a Christmas tree to the roof of your car, light it on fire, and drive around like nothing's wrong.
←Rate | 12-11-2011 08:51 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a Truck Driver, let me say after several days of mid 90 degree temps, beaver season is in full swing.
←Rate | 04-24-2012 13:39 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Inspired by T.G.I. Fridays, I opened a restaurant called C.L.I. Tuesdays. No one could find it.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 17:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook share value went from $38 to $43 already.  Now Facebook has sufficient funds to install aircraft landing lights on Rihanna's forehead.
←Rate | 05-18-2012 12:36 by TONZIO Comments (0)  


   messageicon #HOODTRANSLATIONS: "take one for the team bruh" = while I'm with this attractive female, please occupy her friend who is strong in the face.
←Rate | 05-24-2012 15:18 by fadolo Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left