Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4596 of 6445

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
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12-19-2009 04:43
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wonders if ghost say "I see living people"?!
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01-06-2010 12:06
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if paper beats rock, then let me throw a rock at you while you hold up a piece of paper.
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03-13-2010 19:15 by Sarii
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If he threw toilet paper, like he did in Puerto Rico, it would be a more useful response than what he has shown thus far.
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03-16-2020 12:43
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the line was so long at chick fil a, I got some KFC to eat while I waited...
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08-01-2012 15:40
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Former Olympic Skater Nancy Kerrigan was arrested today on a DUI.....She blew 8.6 /7.8 /5.6 /.6.7/and 7.3
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08-04-2012 20:57
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I wonder if clouds look down on us and say "Hey look! That one looks like an idiot."
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08-22-2013 02:16 by Danmanz
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I'm not a "tree hugger", but I'd like for my grandkids to have "oxygen".
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03-09-2013 09:27 by Czovczov
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I dropped my cell phone in water. I dried it out in a bag of Uncle Ben's. He stole my minutes.
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04-26-2013 10:58 by Mcboot
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Why does a hooker make more money than a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and re-sell it!
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06-27-2011 19:18 by Duuude!
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this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?
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05-08-2011 22:48
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Ate some bad Indian food... and now I know how to pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to.

I will never go Bungee Jumping. Put all your faith in a piece of Rubber? I got here because of its failure and I don't plan on giving it a chance to take me out!

I have a drinking problem and don't intend on doing a thing about it!

Please don't BRO me, I am a single child and I'm white.
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02-01-2012 18:11
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It's pretty funny to strap a Christmas tree to the roof of your car, light it on fire, and drive around like nothing's wrong.

As a Truck Driver, let me say after several days of mid 90 degree temps, beaver season is in full swing.

Inspired by T.G.I. Fridays, I opened a restaurant called C.L.I. Tuesdays. No one could find it.
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05-13-2012 17:32
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Facebook share value went from $38 to $43 already. Now Facebook has sufficient funds to install aircraft landing lights on Rihanna's forehead.
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05-18-2012 12:36 by TONZIO
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#HOODTRANSLATIONS: "take one for the team bruh" = while I'm with this attractive female, please occupy her friend who is strong in the face.
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05-24-2012 15:18 by fadolo
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