Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Spys search social networking sites like Facebook for info. It would be great if we could just start posting all kinds of bogus info just to mess with their searches!

   Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.

   "Wonder Bread , Fluff and Skippy" a timeless combination

   thinks throwback week is almost as much fun as post your bra color week.

   Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

   99% of all women leave there mouth open while applying the makeups, 1 % dont have mirrors

   There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

   ...just got back from embarrassing himself in front of the Queen. She really doesn't have any idea what a "tea bag" is, and now I'm not allowed withing 1,000 meters of her...

   kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

   defeat is not the worst of failures, not to have tried is the true failure!

   ‎654 women were admitted into the hospital, and 542 died with a heart attack! Now tell me who in the hell spreaded the rumor that I'm getting married? x(

   at the Library waiting for the opportune moment to fire my air horn

   aim for the moon, if you miss youll be among the stars"..then pressure & lack of o2 will make your as@hole explode out of your nostrils.

   Poker face? Yeah I would and then some.

   Does the Advance Pat Down come with an happy ending?

   money talks and right now its saying "Nah nah nah nah nah...you can't catch me!"

   Expect the entire internet to run slower for a while. 11 million nerds are sucking up the bandwidth to experience the Cataclysm.

   Everyday I hear people say they would to take a break and get some fresh air. So, this year I'm wrapping some up in boxes and giving as Christmas gifts.

   posting "I love you!!!" today on Facebook is the equivalent to shouting it from the top of a mountain back in the day.

   My wife and my girlfriend both said on their status that they are going to go live in Brazil for a few months. Is there something I should know about???????