Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Capitalism: work hard, become rich like rommney. Or sit at home and be a poor loser

   thinks that Obama may just get into the Guiness Book of World records for "Most People Screwed in a Single Day"...

   If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

   not feeling so good I got chocolate wasted last night.

   The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.

   Bathroom wall: Can I get a witness? Written below: I don't know. Are you going to do anything worth watching?

   I wonder if it bothers Morpheus that his daughter's job is to smile for the camera and take it in the rabbit hole

   Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.

   resides on the top of Mountain Dew.

   according to VH1 calling women's boobs chesticles makes me undateable.what a bummer

   You must been born on the freeway .cuz that's where most accidents happen.

   If a woman wants a man who can take orders, they should marry a waiter!

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   has come up with a solution to the oil spill .........auqaman(finally he can be useful)

   we all live on the same planet but we're all in our own worlds..

   The lemonade in my new McDonalds Shrek glass tastes funny!

   thinks that hard work never killed anybody, but wht take the chance?

   now lets not exaggerate on how good, Dear john was...

   Quick tip, when doing a print screen of Stalker Check for your facebook pictures, don't leave porn in in your Internet tabs...

   's wondering where Chinese gets their English names from