Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do you call a thousand armed lesbians?... Militia Ethridge!

   melts in your mouth, not in your hand. Well, I guess I COULD melt in your mouth but it'll cost extra.

   Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

   Mary had a little Lamb. Now she doesn't. Eid Mubarak

   Bands will make her dance, Food Stamps will make her twerk. But if Romne why becomes president, yall hos will have to work.

   Sorry, your password should contain a capital letter, two numbers, a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell, a gang sign, a hieroglyph & blood of a virgin!

   Shark Week is so much better that Shart Week!

   Note to self - when you elect a joke candidate, you get a joke President.

   not interest in Greys Anatomy, thank you...

   I invented a new sexual position called "The Republican" where I screw poor people.

   Ladies, do you know why God gives you yeast infections?? So you know what it feels like to live with an irritating c@nt also!

   just saw peanut walk into a police station to make a complaint claiming it was a salted.

   You b*tch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

   Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex 'cause you don't want that late text "I think I'm late" text

   If the Lord is always with me, that dude's sat through a lot of jacking off.

   Donald Trump said he could shoot someone and still win. Can someone tell me what is different between him and ISIS then?

   If drugs aren't allowed in sports then why is makeup allowed in beauty contests?

   Apparently one in ten people in the UK live next to a paedophile. Not me, I live next to two gorgeous 13 year olds

   ‎2 + 2 = Fish. 3 + 3 = Eight. 7 + 7 = Triangle. LIKE if you get it!!!!

   Here's To The Kids Who are losing their will to keep fighting. Stay Strong.