Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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She goes down faster than power windows 
Your boyfriend is such a playa, when he sends you a text message on your phone it goes to the ''games'' folder.
I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…
Note to self - when you elect a joke candidate, you get a joke President.
doesn't think both of the Dr.'s hands belong on my shoulders during the prostate exam.
I am strong coz I have been weak, I am beautiful coz I know my flaws, I am a lover coz I am a fighter, I am fearless coz I have been afraid. I am wise coz I have been foolish & I can laugh coz I have also known sadnes, I know my past yet I can c my future
What do you call a thousand armed lesbians?... Militia Ethridge!
melts in your mouth, not in your hand. Well, I guess I COULD melt in your mouth but it'll cost extra.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering
A JOB you say? You mean when the person @ the top (CEO) makes the most money, then the vice-president below, then middle management, then store managers/supervisors, then the hard-working employees at the bottom. Hmmm looks like a pyramid scheme to me.
Mary had a little Lamb. Now she doesn't. Eid Mubarak
Bands will make her dance, Food Stamps will make her twerk. But if Romne why becomes president, yall hos will have to work.
Sorry, your password should contain a capital letter, two numbers, a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell, a gang sign, a hieroglyph & blood of a virgin!
Shark Week is so much better that Shart Week!
■The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
Instead of calling it a "Gatorade Shower" we should call it "Electrolyte Bukkake"
not interest in Greys Anatomy, thank you...
I invented a new sexual position called "The Republican" where I screw poor people.
Ladies, do you know why God gives you yeast infections?? So you know what it feels like to live with an irritating c@nt also!
just saw peanut walk into a police station to make a complaint claiming it was a salted. 