Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Waiting for the release of the blockbuster sequel "The Art of the Lie."

   Why would you trust your country to someone that you would not be willing to be alone in a room with your teenage daughter?

   Going to the army navy game doesn't count as visting the troops.

   I just need you to find me 100 upvotes! I can't stand losing, and I'll try anything to win!

   Donald Trump's Economic Team: 1) His accountant. 2) Random billionaire. 3) Omarosa. 4) Wesley Snipes. 5) Bernie Madoff.

   it me or does Lester Holts look like a Bigfoot?

   "Vote for Donald Trump or face nuclear war" - RUSSIA

   Did you know that Donald Trump likes Justin Bieber...

   Donald Trump could be a huge step forward in race relations. He can be a voice for the orange people.

   Both of these candidates belong behind bars. One in a zoo, the other in prison.

   what idiot called them pregnant women and not bodybuilders

   If Beyonce with all her beauty, talent and money can get cheated on, what chance you you basic women have?

   In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

   Well, it's 2015. Where's my robot girlfriend, nerds??

   69... Some might call it nasty... I call it a romantic dinner for 2

   Of course I woke up happy.....Its Steak and a BJ day

   [a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha

   If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started

   If you were at a Beatles tribute concert and you fell and hurt yourself, what would you yell?

   OK, How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?