Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   B.O.B = Bacon Over B!tches

   "I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@

   Youtube isn't just popular because of the videos, its popular because of the attractive video TITLES.

   ■Does anyone else realize that in about 40 years, we'll have a million of old ladies shuffling around with tattoos?........ ( all I can say is ,,Ha,Ha,! )

   When I'm down on a woman I'm never thinking outside of the box.

   I found a butterfly on the ground that had no wings. So, I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... it drowned.

   Ugly hoes, you can NOT have attitudes! You need to be nice, cause your looks sure ain't getting you nowhere!!!!

   Just remember - there's no 'I' in gangbang

   I eat Burger King at every whoppertunity

   just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

   All the immortals survived St. Paddy's Day I see? Let us mere mortals now join our brethren and worship at our place of choice to further along that regressive human trait known as hypocrisy.

   I'm currently killing a twelve pack, and every squirrel within fifty yards of my porch. Love me some Saturdays.

   I bought a Dale Earnhart GPS on eBay but it just keeps telling me to turn left. I swear it is starting to drive me up the walls.

   I'm sick and tired of the games requests on Facebook. If it doesn't stop Imma be forced to play Facebook's Version of "My foot in ya ass."

   My redneck cousin from Virginia ordered a shake at the McDonald's drive-thru just seconds before the quake hit. Said he never expected such fast service.

   stocking up on Hurricanes for the hurricane

   Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

   there's no fool like an old fool. But some of you young fools are showing real promise!

   Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

   check my math here...but isn't the square root of 69, eight sumthin