Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just ate a bag of Aquitals. I mean Skittles!!

   America what is wrong with you?

   On a happier note... Cuomo is going down faster than Kamala Harris at the company Christmas party.

   Wal-Mart, Cabela's & Bass Pro shops are droppiung the Duck Dynasty merchandise, adios hillbillies

   Obama supporters are in SUCH denial about EVERYTHING! We're on to you..accept it.

   Like for Ron Paul 2012 Dislike For Obama 2012

   China claims covid came from an old bat, but Pelosi denies being involved.

   received a warning that aliens are abducting all of the sexy people in the world! Don't panic, you are safe! I am just writing to say goodbye!

   Let's kill people that disagree with our beliefs. - said no atheist ever

   I wonder who coined the phrase, "Once you go black, you never go back"...because I personally changed it to... "Once you go baby wipe, you never go 2 ply".

   imagine Alicia Keys complaining in the grocery store, " THIS MILK IS EXPIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEDD"

   Nickelback to play Boston bombing victim's Concert. In related news, Train to play relief concert for those who saw Nickelback.... (etc.. Bieber)

   Well, I'm no geologist...but that looks infected.

   Bored at work? Put some habanero hot sauce in the office ketchup bottle. Still bored? Pour it in the office coffee pot.

   NYC Shine on you crazy diamond

   The awkwrd moment when someone waves in your direction and you wave back then you realize they were waving at someone else.

   Hey guys? You know while I hope you are all enjoying Halo 4, Black Ops 2 and Metal Of Honor? I would like you to know that some of us single guys that have a life are enjoying your girlfriends as well! You know just sayin.

   No matter how much you shake & dance, the last few drop fall in your pants

   Worst FB moment in your life... Friend request from your mom.

   My cat and I made a best friend pact tonight. If I die first, he won't eat my body. Or if he dies first, I won't use his skull as a cup.