Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I spend 90% of my salary on my hobbies. The rest I waste.

   I remember 2013 like it was yesterday.

   If I get their attention negative or positive I accomplished my intent...

   Starting the year off right!! Fried chicken, French fries more fried chicken and a fried gym membership.

   My liver is so black it goes to church on Sunday for 6 hours.

   I'm taking my girl to a Psychologist/Gynecologist. Maybe he's the one who can finally help her understand why she's such a ¢unt.

   Fellas; A girl without a hobby is a girl who will make a hobby of destroying your life.

   People without profile pictures are terrorists.

   You don't look as dumb as you sound though. At least you have that going on for you.

   If you have feelings for me,,, thats your problem not mine,

   White girls, show your parents how much you hate them by growing dreadlocks.

   Just returned all of my liquor bottles and now I’m deciding between a vacation in Hawaii or the French Riviera

   Did you ever notice how everything in life just keeps shrinking? Even in the Hip-Hop world. It used to be 'Biggie Smalls, Big Pun, Fat Joe. Then it was lil jon, lil kim, liil wayne. 15yrs from now its gonig to be, 1PAC, BalemicBob, AtomMike, SpermSpewed!

   The battles against women are won losing.

   You know how people look through medicine cabinets? I think that's weird. I personally would rather look through their fridge.

   why the hell are toilets so loud in the middle of the night waking everybody in the damn house?

   At this stage of the football season, all I care about is #s and food.

   Wishing death on someone ain't cool. Except when it's your ex, wish for a cruel death.

   I told my dog that if he keeps waking me up, I'm throwing my alarm clock away, sitting him on my night stand, and sticking a battery up his butt.

   Lord of the ring should be a club for married men