Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.

   They should serve watermelons at every place in the world that has chicken on their menu.

   Sexy lingerie should NOT be available in XXL sizes.

   Sometimes you meet someone, and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them.

   The akward moment when you say n!gga in front of a black person

   Do you know why Americans are better than people from other countries? Because we're Americans!!!

   Breaking: President Obama says his favorite musical group is Scandal

   My Pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards? Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll beat you with my Bulbasaur.... :p lol

   I like that repubIicons are miserable now that ByeDon is thier president.

   obama removing cuba from state terror list... can he add himself in its place?!?

   How do 3 gay guys sit on 1 bar stool? ..... They flip it upside down

   Dukes of Hazzard turns 35 today. Reminds me of our government how Boss Hogg is never charged for his corrupt ways. Obama Hogg !

   Best childhood memory? Falling asleep on the couch, then waking up in your bed the next morning..

   filmed in front of a live studio audience

   Happy Father's Day, God!

   In over 75% of mass shootings in the states the shooters obtained their weapons legally. You can't regulate insanity, but you can regulate guns.

   Dear birds: Our patio is NOT your personal poop depository! Please use the cars with Obama bumper stickers instead. Thank you. -Management-

   For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck, the least they could do is send me a picture of the ghetto family I'm supporting!

   thinks that when it comes to Valentine's Day or any day for that matter, the greatest expression of love ever demonstrated was when Jesus gave his life on the cross for me.

   anti-obama before it was cool