Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whenever someone asks, "you look familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Well do you watch porn...?"

   =+(:) <--- stewie griffin

   You can meet 10 girls, mess with 9, talk to 8, laugh with 7, run behind 6, like 5, go out with 4, get used to 3, care about 2, but only love 1.

   [Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]

   As Americans we should fight like hell for the right to draw a picture of Muhammad, but then choose not to.

   - in memory of Joh Lennon who died 30 years ago today. Did you know the only vegetable he ate was brocolli? I'm happy he finally decided to give peas a chance...

   Maybe T-Mobile and Sprint should fight it out on which is the better carrier. It help boost their sales. Its working with AT&T and Verizon.

   offering to buy 85% of GM with 10% more than the Government offer. payment will be by Creit Card.

   Newsflash: Jon Gruden said what most of us think.

   I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.

   England have become the number one cricketing team in the world. We sure showed those 8 other teams.

   Everybody needs to believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.

   I can text my bank and they will text me back my balance... I could do without the LOL at the end of it though.

   Someone should tell all the policemen, teachers, firefighters and military people that apparently the real hero's are public gays...

   ..is wondering what would happen if she went to her supermarket, opened a can of tomato juice on to the floor and yelled "CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE THE TAMPONS ARE?! I NEED SOME ASAP!"

   On this day remember an American Legend, Robert E. Lee, someone worth remembering.

   As far as being a white man, this is the worse century to be born in. Our kids will be slaves in the next 100 years.

   310 people were killed and hundreds wounded in a stampede at the annual hajj in Saudi Arabia. What a waste of potential suicide bombers.

   I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters? Do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"... 😀😳😜

   running with scissors and eating paste