Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women...why is it so hard to F-in fill the gas tank? The E doesn't stand for ENOUGH!!

   If Robert E Lee were alive, I would vote him for President

   What is the job application at Hooters like? Do they give you a bra and say "Here. Fill this out."?

   Bush's "recession" was a lot better than Obama's "recovery".

   Like for republican, dislike for democrat

   Here is a hint to Bruce Jenner: You were born a man. You will die a man. That is simple biological fact, and has nothing to do with your 'feelings' or whatever you think is 'hidden' inside of you.

   Ron Artest - Metta World Peace, that's his name now, only gets a 7 game suspension for cheap shot in the NBA. Do we live in a society that rewards bad behavior? What's next, an endorsement for elbow macaroni?

   Why do I hate people who are in relationships so much?

   Whenever someone asks, "you look familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Well do you watch porn...?"

   =+(:) <--- stewie griffin

   You can meet 10 girls, mess with 9, talk to 8, laugh with 7, run behind 6, like 5, go out with 4, get used to 3, care about 2, but only love 1.

   [Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]

   - in memory of Joh Lennon who died 30 years ago today. Did you know the only vegetable he ate was brocolli? I'm happy he finally decided to give peas a chance...

   As Americans we should fight like hell for the right to draw a picture of Muhammad, but then choose not to.

   Maybe T-Mobile and Sprint should fight it out on which is the better carrier. It help boost their sales. Its working with AT&T and Verizon.

   offering to buy 85% of GM with 10% more than the Government offer. payment will be by Creit Card.

   Newsflash: Jon Gruden said what most of us think.

   I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.

   England have become the number one cricketing team in the world. We sure showed those 8 other teams.

   Everybody needs to believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.