Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   what if I just started licking the dentists fingers while they were in my mouth

   If you’re gonna use the word ‘horny’, you’d better be attractive. Otherwise, cut that s hit out.

   There’s plenty of fish in the sea.. I just suck at fishing.

   yep, they started smoking at the Vatican.

   No one is more cherished in this world than someone who lightens the burden of another.

   Shoutout to God for not giving wings to spiders.

   At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.

   "Tyler Perry presents: Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry."

   Whenever I see the new "Obama 2012" bumper sticker, I immediately assume whoever owns that car has been living on the moon for the past three years......just saying

   out of her mind and have gone to look for it.

   REMINDER: Don't forget to hand out White Chocolate this Halloween so that little Black kids can get their faces dirty too!

   Best three Kings of all time!! Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

   Religion is the greatest hate crime ever perpetrated by one man upon another.

   I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible

   Before drinking an "energy drink", pause to consider this: How are you going to use that extra energy to better serve Christ?

   :Medical fact: If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well!

   Great first it was the Movie theater early this yr, then the Mall random shootings, no its kids at the elementary level...... Can we put praying back in school now?

   If your an undecided voter, just vote for the one you feel wouldn't mug you in a dark alley.

   Mark Zuckerberg should have just shut down Facebook for 24 hours...That should have scared enough people to think the world was over!!!

   Dated a blind girl once, her name was .::. ::.:. ..:.:. :.:..::. ..:::.