Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

   When a random stranger offers you drugs on the street say thank you because drugs are expensive

   Voldemort's parents took the "I got your nose" game a little to seriously.

   Girl just asked me to talk dirty so I described the space behind my fridge.

   'Love thy neighbor.' aka don't put a password on your damn WiFi.

   says, "sex is like a gas station - sometimes you get excellent service, sometimes you get very poor service, and sometimes you just have to settle for self-service"

   I would slap you but that would be animal abuse

   I was just fired from my job as an ad executive for Nike. Apparently putting the 'Just do it' label on the crotch is considered "offensive and inappropriate."

   My girl jus told me that she is going to start "act like a woman and think like a man" so I guess that means when she is in the kitchen making a sandwich she is going to be thinking about sex!

   M C SQUARE is Einstein's Rap Name.

   Beer is good for what ales you.

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

   would like to remind everyone to Wang Chung tonight.

   I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

   wants you to remember the "Golden Rule"....whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

   If you can't multi-task, why should I. your computer

   logged into myspace, felt like I was cheating behind facebook's back

   every second becomes a minute, every minute becomes a hour but when your living it up every crazy sh#t you did in your life becomes the best memories.

   Who here thinks Kesha's your love is my drug the starting beat of it is like love game by Lady gaga

   every movie is practically comin out in 3d, maybe thats why I feel cross-eyed