Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
My cousin told me he was gay today. What an idiot, coming out in weather like this. 
I'm so hungry I could eat a Sarah Jessica Parker
The only differance between slavery and modern day is that now they don't have too work for their keep
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead??
An elementary school in California is being named after Michelle Obama. It's obvious that the school's mascot will be Chewbacca.
FACT: 10 out of 10 people will eventually die.. Probably not a bad idea to give Jesus a try... Just saying
Can't believe I forgot my wife was on her period. Boy is my face red.
*Buys a 3D printer... *With the 3D printer, prints a 3D printer... *Returns the origional 3D printer
Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about these damn religion wars
A lawyer and a Priest are in a boat with three young boys, the boat gets a leak and is sinking fast. There are only 3 life jackets. Priest says, " we need to let the boys have these, " Lawyer," Screw those boys" Priest says " Is there time for that?"
wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
WARNING!PLEASE READ!!! If someone comes to your door and ask you to take off your clothes and dance around with your hands in the air....DO NOT DO THIS! This is a scam.....they just want to see you naked! Please copy and paste this as your status! I wish
notices we never read any headlines even remotely similar to this: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."
wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
Walked by A Maternity Clothes Store today and there was a "Please Come Inside" sign on the door. Duh, Why do you think they need Maternity Clothes
If actions speak louder than words,then why can't I hear mimes?
Behind every successful student, there is one girlfriend. But what about a failed student.....? A beautiful teacher
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute
statistically, 6 out of 7 midgets aren't happy... 