Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A lawyer and a Priest are in a boat with three young boys, the boat gets a leak and is sinking fast. There are only 3 life jackets. Priest says, " we need to let the boys have these, " Lawyer," Screw those boys" Priest says " Is there time for that?"

   wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.

   notices we never read any headlines even remotely similar to this: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."

   WARNING!PLEASE READ!!! If someone comes to your door and ask you to take off your clothes and dance around with your hands in the air....DO NOT DO THIS! This is a scam.....they just want to see you naked! Please copy and paste this as your status! I wish

   Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

   "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'"

   You can negotiate with a terrorist, NOT with a red head.

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   certaintly.. not in a balloon at this moment

   gettin by with a little help from my friends.

   about to try cruise control in reverse

   is trying out for "Home School Musical"

   A smile is like tight underwear... it makes your cheeks go up.

   No one can ruin your day without your permission.

   Heard more dead birds were found in Pittsburgh and Atlanta last night

   One day, long, long ago. There lived a woman who didn't nag, whine, and b!tch. But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day. The

   i'd run away from home, but my Mom wont let me cross the street.

   If you watch "Groundhog Day" backwards, its basically the same except Bill Murray doesn't get the girl at the end.

   Student + dying = studying

   Vu ja de: When you are in a situation that reminds you of something that will happen.