Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about these damn religion wars 
A lawyer and a Priest are in a boat with three young boys, the boat gets a leak and is sinking fast. There are only 3 life jackets. Priest says, " we need to let the boys have these, " Lawyer," Screw those boys" Priest says " Is there time for that?"
wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
WARNING!PLEASE READ!!! If someone comes to your door and ask you to take off your clothes and dance around with your hands in the air....DO NOT DO THIS! This is a scam.....they just want to see you naked! Please copy and paste this as your status! I wish
notices we never read any headlines even remotely similar to this: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."
wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
Walked by A Maternity Clothes Store today and there was a "Please Come Inside" sign on the door. Duh, Why do you think they need Maternity Clothes
If actions speak louder than words,then why can't I hear mimes?
Behind every successful student, there is one girlfriend. But what about a failed student.....? A beautiful teacher
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute
statistically, 6 out of 7 midgets aren't happy...
The fire department does not appreciate being called to come fight an April Fool fire.
certaintly.. not in a balloon at this moment
gettin by with a little help from my friends.
about to try cruise control in reverse
is trying out for "Home School Musical"
I'm never getting married. After learning another Bachelorette couple has split, I simply don't know what love is anymore.
You know you're getting old when you got to scroll down to find your birth year!
If myspace and Twitter were suddenly gone, would anyone really care? 