Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests.

   After doing some research, It turns out that not EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. It was just this one guy

   if only life came with ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF...buttons.

   ▒▒broke his sta▒tus but ▒▒▒▒ a little duct tape goes▒▒ a long w▒ay....

   Hav finally finished my 40,000 piece Jigsaw, it reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "

   wants a holiday that somehow follows closely to the 1966 movie: The Endless Summer...... any volunteers?

   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list...

   Dear other countries, we can't explain Jersey Shore's popularity either.

   I admit I am from the old school, but since when did bathrooms become photobooths?

   Putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you? There's an damn App for that. It's called "respect".

   - I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

   I like to walk around the fair with a giant stuffed animal I brought from home, ‘cause I need people to think I'm a winner.

   You don't have to like me. I'm not a facebook status.

   Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had.

   You've just gotta love that awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one's listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.

   Things that must stop - Women drawing on their eyebrows and having to go to the bathroom just to change expressions.

   In real life, I never know when danger is coming because the music doesn't change.

   Write the name of someone you hate on your body every day in permanent marker, so no matter how you die they'll become a suspect.

   Happy Father's Day Dad! Whoever you are...

   My car goes from 0 to 60 in five minutes.