Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it cheating if I put pictures of my food on another website? was just wondering...

   Sorry for pushing you back with a ten foot pole when you asked me to hold your baby.

   My emotional status hinges on how long I have to wait to eat again.

   To the guy who named Meatloaf, thanks for all your hard work.

   Uptight, dumb chick litmus test. Send her a Poke. If she gets overly offended, don't bother going any further.

   Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it!

   I saw on the news that Flavor Flav is 56 years old today, and had two immediate thoughts: 1. How the F$%^ did Flav manage to take care of himself for 56 years? 2. F$%^, I'm old.

   It's really difficult to take your argument seriously with your extreme use of emoji's.

   You had me at, "Why do people keep asking me,what kind meds am I on?"

   Even if a b1tch ain't one, 99 problems is still a lot.

   Bon Jovi lives but John Tucker must die

   Wear your socks to bed, so I know you have no interest in having sex.

   I'm dumb. I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.

   It's important to stand up for what you believe in. It's even more important to understand what exactly is it that you are standing up for.

   Myspace has invaded Facebook > Facebook Movie...

   I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.

   I bet the first guy to get his woman flowers was like, "What's something that'll start out beautiful, but quickly die like my relationship?"

   Drank enough last night to kill a horse. In other news, anyone know where I can get a new horse?

   Going back onto work for the first time after vacation is like running into someone you once knew who you never really liked anyway.

   "I've lost my marbles" ~ Bulimic Bulimic Hippos.