Sudz Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom's wastepaper basket.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:27 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not sure I buy that, "An apple a day" expression any more. As a matter of fact, I'm completely convinced apples are bad news. Just look at Eve, Snow White, or any pig at a Hawaiian Luau.
←Rate | 02-16-2014 20:27 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Polish Olympian won a a gold medal for the speed skating. He's going to have it bronzed.
←Rate | 02-16-2014 10:01 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook features three types of women: hot, photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic.
←Rate | 04-27-2014 17:42 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women; that’s why they hate each other.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:20 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been trying and trying yet so far no luck. I can't seem to get MapQuest to pull up a shortcut to Friday.
←Rate | 03-04-2014 13:51 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon bl0wjob one word or two? (I hate writing thank you cards.)
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:17 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jimmy Fallon's monologues are weaker than a mixed drink at a strip club.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 11:34 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Uptight, dumb chick litmus test. Send her a Poke. If she gets overly offended, don't bother going any further.
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:04 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was watching what I thought was a documentary on Hindu Gods; they featured that strange one that looks like a bizarre elephant. Turns out it was a Rosie O'Donnell interview.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 10:48 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
←Rate | 05-07-2014 10:29 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon A couple in their 80's decided to date. The woman asked the man right off the bat about sex. "What about often do you expect to have sex?" The man said, "In-frequently." She goes, "Is that one word, or two?"
←Rate | 03-28-2014 08:12 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a woman doesn't a have a fb profile pic...better you should spend 6 hours with your face buried in Governor Christie's a$$, than a half hour with her on a dinner date.
←Rate | 03-01-2014 11:03 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a woman ever calls you a "goofball", don't take it the wrong way. What they are actually saying to you is, "You are SO getting laid."
←Rate | 02-07-2014 15:28 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night's Taco Bell finally "left the building." It smelled like a sombrero wearing donkey crawled up my a$$ and died.
←Rate | 02-18-2014 06:56 by Sudz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Excuse me dear, but don't you have a date with a coma?
←Rate | 03-01-2014 12:55 by Sudz Comments (0)  


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