Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well I guess if Headboard Harris can listen to rap music before it's recorded then Loco Cortez can be traumatized by a riot before it happens.

   Trump groped a woman 10 years ago and the mainstream media blows a gasket. Hillary had 10 people killed and the mainstream media ignores it.

   Honk if you love Jesus, text while driving if you want to meet him.

   the next time I get pulled over, and the cop asks .. "do you know why I pulled you over" I'm going to respond with "y did you already ferget?"

   My drug of choice is not a drug at all, it's a plant. . .

   The first rule of relationships: You don't find out why someone was available until it's too late.

   I've heard that Apple had to get rid of their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name

   The New York City protesters look like GOD picked up a Wallmart and dumped it on Wall Street.

   I want a Breast Cancer Awareness t-shirt that say "Yes they're fake, My real ones tried to kill me!"

   How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

   to wife: I told you I would fix it soon, there is no need to remind me every six months!!!

   n't the bigger question: How many people attended the Hillary Inauguration?

   Simba was walking to slow, so she told him to mufasa

   Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!

   I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.

   "When I die I want it known I want to be buried face down, so anyone who didn't like me can KISS MY ass"!!!!!!

   Its a stank fishy smell in the air...the prostitutes must be overheating

   I want to name a race horse "my face”, that way everyone will be shouting “come on my face!"

   Those girls, fake hair color, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man

   Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons