Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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...went fishing today caught a giant Bass...I got tackled by security, the police was called and I got escorted off the premises..that's the last time I go fishing at Bass Pro Shop! 
Danica Patrick is on the pole, is the best thing I've heard about NASCAR Nationwide Series Ever!
I love a woman in heels. But please don't wear a bunch of Bangles too. You just sound like an angry Samurai chasing me on a horse.
js pissed that the other site steals our status's cuz now our secret spot is violated and 'everyone' on FB might be as funny as me
This delicious brownie just accepted my friend request!
what do you call wrinkles on Grandma?? .... Grandpa! :-)
The key to staying relevant? Don't die.
According to Dr.Oz, EVERYTHING is unhealthy to eat,drink, breathe and so on!
One thing everyone will learn in school: How to text without looking.
I can't trust anyone who wears a trench coat ever since McGruff the Crime Dog flashed me outside of a Miller's Outpost when I was nine :(
If I didn't have any kids I would love to be a stay at home Dad.
When I pump gas now I do it with my eyes closed cause I'm praying that $35 worth will get me through the week...
You see,,, Once you start making Freudian slips, you can't stop,,, it's just one after a mother.
I go to your page because I miss you, then regret it because of what I see.
I'd like to live forever, if only cuz I am curious as to how the course of human history will play out: the probably drastically new technology in the far future, the rise and fall of new countries development of government, humans rights, literature, etc
Glad Doc Brown no longer needs plutonium for his flux capacitor, ‘cause the Libyans are to busy having a party.
Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows. They must still be using XP.
The McRib is like the undead of the sandwich world, it keeps coming back. #ZombieFood!
Kim Kardashian is filing divorce papers today. Is it proper etiquette for me to ask them to return the toaster I bought for them as wedding gift?
No I did not flinch because you scared me, I flinched because of my instinct to survive. 