Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Jesus Christ. I'm as high as whoever wrote the Bible.

   ATHEISM :The belief that there was nothing then something happened to nothing which magically exploded and then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself for no reason what so ever into self replicating bits which gained conciousness to debate it.

   so he thinks he can make the desicion to change our healthcare over night, comin from a guy who took three months to decide on the color of his new bed room, and 6 months on a dog....

   I hate when I press 1 for English and still get an Indian person.

   Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

   loving him some father son and holy spirit right. I love ya Jesus

   two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left....

   Once you have seen a woman naked... You pretty much want to see the rest of then naked.

   All 911 decals have been removed from Police cars in an effort to dissuade Mexicans from stealing them who think they're Porsches.

   All this meteor-related violence clearly stems from our cultural obsession with shoot-'em-up video games like ASTEROIDS.

   It's a shame that all these die-in protesters aren't actually dying

   Jimmy Fallon's monologues are weaker than a mixed drink at a strip club.

   Does the White House have a " "smoking room"? Asking for Hunter.

   If he hadn't been tested for covid-19, Herman Cain would still be alive today.

   What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

   We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

   Am I the only one that didn't know that Phyllis Diller was alive up to about an hour ago???

   I bet Zimmerman didn't even kill Martin. I bet it was Aaron Hernandez....

   TOP 3 signs I need to lose weight this year.......3-The horse on my Polo shirt is real 2-When I take the elevator, I have to go down 1-A picture of me fell off the wall

   ..muscles needed to make your face frown when someone is a moron to you-42. Muscles needed to extend arm and slap said person-4. You do the math...