Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Once you have seen a woman naked... You pretty much want to see the rest of then naked.

   All 911 decals have been removed from Police cars in an effort to dissuade Mexicans from stealing them who think they're Porsches.

   All this meteor-related violence clearly stems from our cultural obsession with shoot-'em-up video games like ASTEROIDS.

   It's a shame that all these die-in protesters aren't actually dying

   Jimmy Fallon's monologues are weaker than a mixed drink at a strip club.

   Does the White House have a " "smoking room"? Asking for Hunter.

   If he hadn't been tested for covid-19, Herman Cain would still be alive today.

   What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

   We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

   Am I the only one that didn't know that Phyllis Diller was alive up to about an hour ago???

   I bet Zimmerman didn't even kill Martin. I bet it was Aaron Hernandez....

   TOP 3 signs I need to lose weight this year.......3-The horse on my Polo shirt is real 2-When I take the elevator, I have to go down 1-A picture of me fell off the wall

   ..muscles needed to make your face frown when someone is a moron to you-42. Muscles needed to extend arm and slap said person-4. You do the math...

   My brother is in the Army. He invented the Standard Issue Kevlar Condom......It protects soldiers in the bush.

   Thank you Flyers for a great season. The best I've ever seen. But hey Blackhawks I hope you enjoy drinking the beer from the cup. We peed in it.

   Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it.

   it safe for white folks to say the n word while doing karaoke ?

   I now nominate all of you for the ALS ice pick to the head challenge.

   My definition of RAP: Rotten Audio Products

   I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.