Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   part of a rally rallying for more jobs...I don't get why the police singled me out just because I had the word "blow" before "job" on my placard!

   Can't believe that Facebook won't let me set my relationship status to “in a relationship with myself”.

   Think inside the box. The best ideas happen during sex.

   Your pinky is the your smallest finger but the secrets it holds are huge.

   Just because i'm losing.. doesn't mean i'm lost.

   Dance like you're naked. And thin. And pretty.

   You cry, I cry. You smile, I smile. You laugh, I laugh. You bleed for a week, I visit my mom for a week.

   My pleasant personality is brought to you this morning by several strong cups of coffee.

   Happy ATMs day!!

   Anybody that says I'll steal your heart, mind, love etc. you definitely aren't allowed in my house. And you will be frisked for knives.

   A smart man will buy his wife the finest china, so she won't trust him to touch it.

   After witnessing a strip search at the police station I now understand why it's called a crack rock.

   I'm going to open a bar where ordering an "adios motherf#cker" triggers a trap door filled with alligators

   I can thwart just about ANY knock knock joke by answering, "Just a minute!",,,,, or " Come in,, it's open! "

   What doesn't kill you makes you realize I hired a sh!tty hit man.

   Instead of telling people I dont care about things, I find its easier to get my point across if I just put my hands in the air and wave them

   "Because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like..."

   No regrets when speaking what's on your mind !

   am I the only one as a child thought that we have flying cars and a kick ass janitor named Henry like the Jetsons once year 2000 hit???

   I would be so much cooler if…ah, who am I kidding?