Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes it seems I spend half my life just breathing in.

   I remember my first status...

   My roomate ate some peanuts and sufferd a violent reaction...They were MY peanuts so I kicked the sh!t out of the thieving ba$tard...

   is it just me, or are 80% of the faces in the "people you may know feature" on Facebook, people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   There are three major types of colour blindness. They are red-green, blue-yellow and tan-orange. Unfortunately, tan-orange is the most common.

   I woke up this morning to see a white powdery residue all over the ground outside. I'd better stay inside. That stuff could be Anthrax...

   it is always much easier to get a woman if you already have one

   Ah yes, the first real snow storm of the year... where 1/4 of drivers simultaneously gain an amazing ability to jam their heads up someplace uncomfortable.

   They say lifes a b1tch and then you die. I say lifes great. The only b1tch thing about it is dying.

   What a night...can't remember a thing...why is there waffle house syrup in the bed..the lingerie hanging from the chandelier is hot! but, umm, where are the girls? were there....any...girls here last night????

   wonders....with the largest memory chip, if the iPad will be nicnamed the "MaxiPad."

   spraying aerosol cans in an effort to speed up this so called global warming.

   doesn't think that it was ever Benjamin Franklin's intention for us to give up an hour on a Saturday night... What's wrong with giving up the hour on Monday?

   When I was a child I would confuse a.m. and p.m. Now that I'm in college its happening all over again.

   Hey, I don't like cocaine... I just like the way it smells.

   I love animals, especially with veg and gravy....

   seeing a women breast feeding is like seeing an eclipse, its rare, its beautiful... but what ever you do, dont stare at it...

   the best thing about Valentines day is...half price chocolate Tuesday!

   in a relationship with herself and its complicated..

   Home School curriculum: sock folding,vaccuming,dish washing,laundry,child slavery at it's best.