Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   stairs are always up to something...

   FACT: 69% of people find something dirty in everything they read

   Satan must be boring. There are other ways of making people suffer other than setting them on fire, making them listen to Justin Bieber is a start.

   Race wars, class wars, religious wars, tribal wars, sectarian wars, ideological wars and gender wars shall be the end of earth.

   Eeyore and Tigger need to trade meds.

   A-Rod vows to come back 10 times bigger and 10 times stronger.

   We all crave to find someone to crawl into the darkest parts of our soul And still ache to make love to our demons

   I want to be a Disney princess, but not Snow White because I don't want dwarfs touching me while I sleep.

   If I am seriosly wounded, don't call a priest, rabbi, or minister. Those 3 should be walking into a bar together, somewhere.

   After further review, the runner did not touch second base, therefore the Celtics win! LMFAO! These refs are more of a joke then this status

   I'm at a point in my life where I'm just at a point in my life. Something I would say if I was drunk in a bar called ''Point in My Life.''

   I'd marry a woman based on her ability to make gravy...

   What kinda shoe do pedoophiles wear? White vans.

   If you're a guy and you hit girls with anything other than your d ick you deserve to die.

   I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I get distracted easily becau

   I organized an office party at work today. It was a great laugh, until my boss unexpectedly walked in.

   Went to the doc's for my prostate check up. Is it normal for both his hands to be on my shoulders during the exam

   So we're expected to believe the 500,000 people who won't bother to get a state issued ID are actually going to bother to vote??

   Madonna would definitely eat babies if it meant just an extra moment of youth.

   Avoid arguements about the toilet seat.........use the sink!!!