Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Women will cost you more money than a drug habit, business adventure ect.....matter of fact the reason the v@gina is shaped that way is so you can swipe your credit card thru and be done with it!! 
I just saw two Latino's shooting hoops. I think it was Juan on Juan.
"Hey David... Do you talk to your girlfriend while you are having sex? "Only if there's a phone handy"
If I am suffering and hurting and you tell me "its all god's plan" I will kick your ass and tell you it's also god's plan.
Ask SIri "What is zero divided by zero", and get ready for a laugh.
wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome
Word of advice, Saying "Nice Hand" at an amputee poker fund raiser is NOT a good idea!
blinded by the light. Revved up like a douche, another runner in the night.
a guy dating a twin, haha, try telling her she's one of a kind!
I bet Quagmire has tons of child support to pay.
Her eyes were like diamonds, so shiny and bright. But her teeth were like stars... they come out every night.
I think the show "Toddlers & Tiaras" was named that way because "Strippers in training" and "Mothers with self esteem issues" just wasn't as catchy.
… Everytime I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls …
If your vigina is anything like my hand then we should not have a problem
Right Now: Fox News: Deadly bridge collapse in Miami. CNN: Trump witch hunt. MSLSD: Trump witch hunt.
Christian Democrats the perfect oxymoron !
You guys do realize you are all mourning someone famous for shoving hot wheels up their ass right?.. OK just checking.
God got kicked out of our schools and the devil walked right on in......
In hindsight, saying "goochie goochie goo" while tickling my girlfriend's clitoris was probably a bad idea.
I had sex last night from 1:55 to 3:02...I thought I was a machine until I realized the time had just changed. 