Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
$2.75 Trojans or $19.99 Huggies? You make the decision. 
doesn't that swirling graphic the weather channels show of Irene look like a sonogram? I keep thinking the whole east coast is pregnant... and 'The Situation' is the father
In a healthy relationship, ladies swallow what's on the menu and guys lick the plate clean.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
We live in the W.T.F generation = W-wikipedia T-twitter F-facebook ;)
If you ever catch yourself just sitting around your house thinking “Hey I need to go buy the new Justin Bieber CD”, Please delete me as your friend as soon as possible! Thanks.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking too much space
Tell me now before I blow twenty bucks on drinks.
Nothing is more irritating than someone that updates there status every two minutes.
How come ya’ll listen to a groundhog but not the CDC
A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says Prophets are going through the roof!
May Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan ROT IN HELL!!! What is wrong with this world...It is a sad, sad day for Ft. Hood , TX ... thoughts and prayers go out to all the innocent people that lives were lost and forever changed by the events of someone they trusted
If men honestly answered the facebook question: What's on your mind? Facebook would be like a pornsite
St. Patricks Day. The only time of the year when people are proud of having a bit of Irish in them.
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote..
You're not a real man until you've loved a woman who does a little dance before she pushes out a fart.
If I jumped out a plane and my parcute didn't work I would be so angry.
I support g@y marriage simply because the divorce hearings will be epic!!!
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
I've been watching so much p 0rn I just spit on my car trunk's lock before I put the key in. 