Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Being a FEMALE is a matter of BIRTH, being a WOMAN is a matter of AGE, but being a LADY is a matter of CHOICE... 
Say what you will about Michael Jackson....but at least he wasn't nosey.
One time I smashed my face into the keyboard and accidentally wrote the 4th Twilight book.
SAD NEWS in the music world, Solja Boy is working on a new album.
Doesn't seem like a good sign that I asked for a to-go box at this Mexican restaurant, and they brought me a casket.
Making mental notes with a pen isn't very smart. I've got ink on my forehead now.
Happy Birthday to one of the greatest athletes EVER ..Muhammad Ali ...Happy 70th
Sometimes.... when I cut onions.... I cry...for no reason... I cry... What the f**k is this vegetable trying to tell me ???
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
I can tell you something about rental cars...don't rent a Ford Focus if you like to go 90mph. I think I unfocused it.
I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a great choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I'm proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, b
just let me get 1 thing straight---------------~ DARN! so close.
Kobe Bryant and wife Vanessa are separating. The beautiful couple were together for 10 1/2 years. That's equivalent to 53 Kris Humphries/Kim Kardashian marriages.
My Mom + My Dad - Condom = Greatest Person Ever
Tulisa, sexiest woman in the world? I wouldn't even have her down as the sexiest woman in N-Dubz.
Think...we have imaginary farms, cities and animals. It's OK to poke people and write on walls...Facebook is a mental hospital and we are all patients!!!
My turtle ran away last month.... I'm heartbroken... I tried talking him out of it the entire 2 weeks it took him to reach the sidewalk.
Cop: "Can you say the alphabet backwords." Me: "Yeah, If you let me write it down frontwords first."
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)
Just found out I lost my concealed weapon permit, this means I can no longer wear pants in the state of Texas! 