Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you don't want to be profiled as a thug, don't dress like one. No more hoodies and flat-brims. How about a nice Polo shirt and some Khakis. Docksider shoes instead of LeBron sneakers. And a NASCAR baseball cap would help too.

   No one can name one thing Obama has done to make our lives better.

   Would it kill you to just get this right for once? There, Their, They're - There is a place, Their is something that belongs to them, They're is short for They Are

   Gas prices are shooting up faster than the Biden vote count at 2am...

   almost got fired at work today. I think I misunderstood my boss when she said she enjoys seeing me hard at work.

   "Whats the fastest way to make a woman pick cotton?" "Set the string on fire!"

   We girls need to stop making fan pages about guys and get back in the kitchen!

   Something you never hear in the news: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."

   wonders if the person that keeps using the N word realizes its not color orientated. Sounds like he could be one himself!

   On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA!!! Christmas shopping time.

   ..wishes she wasn't so mean to her dentist this morning. After all,dentists have fillings too..

   playing backyard football with Betty White and Abe Vigoda....Damn!..They sure can take a tough hit.

   ...Dear Katy Perry: there were girls around with nice boobs before you were born. there will be girls around with nice boobs after you die. get over yourself, please.

   Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.

   playing Call of Booty

   lol, Any of you morons ever hear of snopes? Stop hating on Pepsi....

   The good thing about not drinking is that I remember everything, and the bad thing about not drinking is that I remember everything.

   We tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is it's not our loss, it's theirs. They left the one person in the world who would never give up on them.

   I was playing fetch with my neighbor's dog but he's too heavy to carry in my teeth and his fur tastes horrible

   ┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ cus' this is thriller, thriller night...@