Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Racism makes as much sense as saying I don't want that gift because of the color of the wrapping paper.

   Police Station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

   This halloween I decided to dress up as the Liberty Bell. If we end up at the same party, be sure to come over and check out my enormous crack.

   I thought I saw ZZ Top at Wal-Mart today...turns out it was just 3 women from Kentucky.

   DALLAS - (D)irk (A)int (L)etting (L)ebron (A)ss (S)hine

   Clemson Vs Georgia Tech this weekend........ Up for Clemson....... Down for Georgia Tech

   On this date in 2005 Hurricane Katrina blow more black guys in one day then...Lisa Lampanelli has in 15 years...

   A man in Washington D.C. was apprehended by the Secret Service for taking off his clothes and jogging naked near the White House. In related news, this is probably the last time Joe Biden ever takes Ambien.

   Why does a hooker make more more money than a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and re sell it!

   Partying, YOLO. Forever alone, SOLO. Marco, POLO. Condom broke, OHNO. You like men, HOMO. B!tches be crazy, FOSHO. Run bro run!, POPO.

   Forrest Whitaker turned 51 today, his right eye turned 47.

   There's people who can build machines to explore other planets and then there's people telling you where to eat chicken sandwiches. Just sayin

   You call me a Red Neck Back Woods Hillbilly, just because I go to the family reunion to find a date!...So be it!

   iPhone 5...still better than Twilight.

   Drake, Lil Wayne, and Nicki Minaj collaborating on a song together is like Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Aids teaming up to form a super STD

   Rap is like scissors, it always loses to rock.

   Doctor: Does insanity run in your family? My friend: Yes, my husband thinks he is the boss. :)

   To any babies out there, I'm impressed that you can read this.

   So if I steal "free" wifi from the local church near my house, does that mean god is sending me a signal?