Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Bernie Sanders Drinking Game: Every time Bernie mentions a free government program you drink someone else's beer. 
Not sure if I am getting older or if kids today are just getting retarded?....
Snow in Egypt! In the dessert! Global warming strikes again!....Al Gore refuses comment
"Dad?..." Yes Son?.... "Where do baby horses come from?".... Well, when a mare and a stallion are really in love… "Yes…" …and in a stable relationship…
2020 will be like any other election...Kanye will vote for Kanye
FYI: It's illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack the plane
Just heard the gay channel have dropped the soap awards.
Waking up to Monday is kinda like the Mayans being right.
Hey mothers who are always telling everyone who cares to listen, "My kids are my life" If your kids are your life how come you hardly spend time with them and are always out clubbing and parting like there is no tomorrow every other day of the week?
All cheaters need to come with a warning sign. Like once you cheat your hair turns lime green so people know what you are all about.
Facebook: a place when you even write your suicide note, you'll get likes.
Gonna celebrate Cinco de Mayo the traditional Mexican way by doing some landscaping.
A man will simply break a woman's heart, but a woman will take a dump in a man's heart and walk away.
Have you guys ever had sex sober? It's actually kind of gross.
Listen, calling people names says a lot more about you than it does about them you idiot.
you will never convince me a dude with 2 hoop earrings doesnt look gayeeee
I find pregnant chicks sexy...I think it's because I know for a fact that they put out
I have a very busy Sunday planned today......Watching football and Nascar while converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. ツ
What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have herpes? Your dentist telling you that you have herpes.
The Anti-Christ came to my Christmas party and turned all the wine into water. Hate that guy. 