Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   n't it ironic the idea that homosexuality is unnatural is shared by believers in resurrection, omnipotence and talking burning shrubbery.

   A record 93 million Americans are out of work, and more people lost insurance than got insurance in last 5 years.

   At least Donald Sterling's schedule just freed up for all those KKK meetings he's been missing.

   Police Station toilet stolen - Cops have nothing to go on.

   I was going to dress as an evil witch for halloween but I didn't want to be mistaken as Hillary

   The MSM claims national polls have Biden ahead by 14 points. By "national", they mean New York City, Chicago, Philadelphia, Los Angeles and cemeteries.

   Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality......which would explain Edward.....

   Your mumma's so fat when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want

   Ok, so this girl on Facebook posted a status which read: "How can I get rid of this morning sickness?" Turns out replying, "Try a coat hanger" is a good way to get yourself deleted.

   on this Veterans Day, president Obama is in Indonesia. Shouldn't he be at Arlington honoring the Vets??

   happy that the Statute of Limitations has finally expired, and he can finally admit that he is, in fact, the one who let the dogs out.

   Ghetto word of the day : Omelet I shoulda slapped da fu*k outta yo a$$ but omelet dat sh!t slide dis time! 

   If you make minimum wage and demand $15/hour, you are greatly overestimating your importance to an organization.

   People on Facebook do realize that dead people can't read their RIP shout outs, right?

   We've all met a child that makes us realize 'child abuse' began for a reason..

   The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.

   found Waldo

   Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?

   has secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg. Will her guests be able to tell the difference?

   I would have gone to Clooney's fundraiser for Obama, but I spent my last $40,000 on gas.......