Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Motivating my office co-workers is like hammering square pegs into unwilling sphincters
←Rate | 03-18-2013 22:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women, when it comes to doggy style, men are behind you 100%
←Rate | 03-22-2013 21:08 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
←Rate | 03-22-2013 21:10 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying I am hard to shop for is admitting that you don't know where the liquor store is.
←Rate | 03-27-2013 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man is the head of the family and the wife is the neck. The neck turns the head exactly the way it wants.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just found a frosty spilled all over the Wendy's bathroom floor. That must be why the guy came out sweating red in the face. I'd be mad too if I dropped my frosty!
←Rate | 04-27-2010 15:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some Women say they spend alot of money on makeup to make them look pretty, they also say we spend alot of money on beer but what they dont know is that its also to make them look pretty.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:22 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian teen idol Justin Bieber scored a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. It's official, the world is coming to an end...
←Rate | 05-19-2010 18:13 by tomthedj Comments (0)  


   messageicon bye bye weekend! it was fun being with you! cant wait to see you next week!
←Rate | 05-23-2010 18:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wingnut- Definition of a person that calls another individual a wingnut. Get over it!
←Rate | 05-26-2010 16:57 by MemeA Comments (0)  


   messageicon pretty drowsy......he's pretty sure he has a nap for that....
←Rate | 05-31-2010 17:31 by gnarleycharley@mac.com Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fruit Cake is YUCK! But don't tell my grandma that!
←Rate | 08-28-2010 23:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wait they replaced The Cookie Monster on Sesame Street with The Veggie Monster? What the f**k is this?
←Rate | 09-09-2010 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The heart is the center of the body but beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason the heart is not always right.
←Rate | 09-10-2010 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Studies show it's okay for me to simply say "studies show" in front of anything and it becomes accepted as fact.
←Rate | 09-30-2010 14:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't YOU watch where I'm going?
←Rate | 10-01-2010 13:58 by Steve\'s girl Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of all the unsolved mysteries, I wonder why we must stop talking to be able to start peeing.
←Rate | 10-03-2010 17:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves humanity....it's people she can't stand.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 10:38 by BunnyGuts Comments (0)  


   messageicon hopes nobody else dresses up as Justus von Liebig, Father of biochemistry who recorded minerals in plant ash and proposed the law of minimum.
←Rate | 10-30-2009 09:49 Comments (0)  




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