Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Motivating my office co-workers is like hammering square pegs into unwilling sphincters 
Women, when it comes to doggy style, men are behind you 100%
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Saying I am hard to shop for is admitting that you don't know where the liquor store is.
A man is the head of the family and the wife is the neck. The neck turns the head exactly the way it wants.
just found a frosty spilled all over the Wendy's bathroom floor. That must be why the guy came out sweating red in the face. I'd be mad too if I dropped my frosty!
Some Women say they spend alot of money on makeup to make them look pretty, they also say we spend alot of money on beer but what they dont know is that its also to make them look pretty.
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Canadian teen idol Justin Bieber scored a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. It's official, the world is coming to an end...
bye bye weekend! it was fun being with you! cant wait to see you next week!
Wingnut- Definition of a person that calls another individual a wingnut. Get over it!
pretty drowsy......he's pretty sure he has a nap for that....
Fruit Cake is YUCK! But don't tell my grandma that!
Wait they replaced The Cookie Monster on Sesame Street with The Veggie Monster? What the f**k is this?
The heart is the center of the body but beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason the heart is not always right.
Studies show it's okay for me to simply say "studies show" in front of anything and it becomes accepted as fact.
Why don't YOU watch where I'm going?
Of all the unsolved mysteries, I wonder why we must stop talking to be able to start peeing.
loves humanity....it's people she can't stand.
hopes nobody else dresses up as Justus von Liebig, Father of biochemistry who recorded minerals in plant ash and proposed the law of minimum. 