Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Dear Michele Bachmann, Hurricane Irene was a warning from God... That you SHOULDN'T run for President in 2012. Best Regards. 
Everything happens for a reason... Just know that God places people in your life for a reason and will let you know what that reason is when it is time! ♥
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
Trump is banning Tik Tok so if you still want to see 16 year old girls dance you have to get on a plane with Bill Clinton.
You have four years to fix this country Joe. What are you doing instead? Talking about Trump every single day!
Judges who judge judgemental judging are often judged judgementally the way they judged. Judging other judgemental judges only brings greater judgement. Judgemental judging as you can easily judge is harsh judgement. Therefore Judge not lest ye be judged!
The thugs showing up at trump rallies are just mad because they are afraid they'll have to work
how do Mexican's cut their pizza?? with Little Caesars
My friend just had a baby. He keeps going on about how he would kill anyone who tried to hurt his child, or he would get run over to save his son. He would even take a bullet for his boy. I said, “Why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?â
Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this b!tch, eating those crackers like she owns the place!"
Found the Muffin Man on Facebook. If he accepts my Friend Request then I can tell my mates "Yes I DO know the Muffin man!". They'll be impressed.
Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria's Secret Angels.
Sex without head is like a sandwich without bread
How do Mexicans cut their pizza?..... With Little Caesars .... ***drops mic, Harlem shakes off stage***
Weiner tells A-Rod to Stick it out.
When it comes to toilet water,, It's not the taste that keeps me coming back.... It's the free refills.
You wouldn't believe how long it took me to post this from my new Progresso phone can!
If you are undecided, vote for the one you would most likely buy a used car from.
I wish this weather would make up its mind. I don't know if it's safe to shave my pubes or not...
HE HAS RISEN (and before 10 am which is pretty good for me) 