Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Dear Darwin. I just found a few more candidates for you on the drive into work. 
as much as I like to laugh at AI, having Steve Tyler as a judge is like having Secretariat giving pony rides at a child's party.
spent my life in books and written pages, lived and learned from fools and from sages
getting a restraining order on Old Man Winter
... CAT RULE #2: Get plenty of sleep so you can play at 4am
The only reason I'd want to be both rich and famous is so that I can arrange dates with pretentious gold-diggers that are aware of my wealth and status -- then pick them up for our date in a beat-up, lime green Kia Rio and see their reaction.
bad news is time flys, good news is your the pilot
I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.
Money can only buy imitation happiness. I would be happy with that.
Women and cats will do as they damn well please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to it
Loves to see her go but hates to watch her leave
running behind at work because of all these TPS reports...
I can't stand complainers and I'm not good at keeping secrets. I should probably rethink my career choice as a therapist.
Facebook: Lying to people you know. Twitter: Be honest to people you don't know.
It's time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Composeurs pretend to write classical music.
<---- believes that good things come to those who wait.... or have the money to pay for them! ^_^
thinks that Brunch makes Sunday morning binge drinking feel so civilized.
BP Is Doing All They Can To Clean Up The Oil Spill They Are Even Offering The Cuban Refugees absorbant Oil Clean-Up Suits As They Get Ready To Swim Over. Thanx BP!! 