Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This is a Facebook wall, not a knitting class. You don't come onto my wall, drop a challenge and leave.

   celebrating Elvis style tonight....putting on his cape and bringing extra scarves for the ladies.

   Dear Darwin. I just found a few more candidates for you on the drive into work.

   as much as I like to laugh at AI, having Steve Tyler as a judge is like having Secretariat giving pony rides at a child's party.

   spent my life in books and written pages, lived and learned from fools and from sages

   getting a restraining order on Old Man Winter

   ... CAT RULE #2: Get plenty of sleep so you can play at 4am

   The only reason I'd want to be both rich and famous is so that I can arrange dates with pretentious gold-diggers that are aware of my wealth and status -- then pick them up for our date in a beat-up, lime green Kia Rio and see their reaction.

   bad news is time flys, good news is your the pilot

   I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.

   Money can only buy imitation happiness. I would be happy with that.

   Women and cats will do as they damn well please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to it

   Loves to see her go but hates to watch her leave

   running behind at work because of all these TPS reports...

   I can't stand complainers and I'm not good at keeping secrets. I should probably rethink my career choice as a therapist.

   Facebook: Lying to people you know. Twitter: Be honest to people you don't know.

   It's time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.

   There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

   Composeurs pretend to write classical music.

   <---- believes that good things come to those who wait.... or have the money to pay for them! ^_^