Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I believe in love at first sight which is why I quit looking homeless people in the eyes. Just can't risk it.

   Ladies if you want your man home more often in the next few months... Madden 11 is here... Oh and NFL SUNDAY TICKET ont be bad either!!!

   Having correctly predicted the vampire craze, I now boldly predict the next pop culture phenomenon. Butlers.

   Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.

   'It's not the crazy people I fear, but the large groups of normal ones! '' ~Shane Coleman

   sympathesizing with those who absolutely hate to waste SO much of their time by NOT placing a new roll of toilet paper onto the holder for the next person. She understands the stress one must go through in order to avoid this strenuous task!

   If you don't pay your exorcist you'll get repossessed.

   thinks chihuahuas are really regular size dogs in tight skin. All that made it out was their eyes! That would explain why they're so angry.

   Pandora just played songs from Footloose, Rocky and Top Gun. I am so ready to dance through a warehouse, chase a plane with a motorcycle, and fight a Russian now.

   I can finally use that one watch I never figured out how to adjust

   thinking the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades

   wondering what makes it "so s o g double o d good"

   you cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women

   Whoever keeps shaking the snowglobe.... "STOP!"

   I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

   I just got in a car accident while reading a sign telling me to keep my eyes on the road.

   - Bored? Go to Google and play with their logo, see if you can knock a circle off the screen with the mouse (excluding the top part) :D

   In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

   thinks that when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

   Doesn't have children , she has insane little mental patients !