Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can't change a ho, but you can exchange the ho.

   The Christmas spirit is gone and I blame the Ghostbusters!

   resting his pimphand

   Laughter is not the best medicine...Large amounts of beer, now that's the best medicine!

   I can't recall,,,Was the "power of Grayskull" 110v or 220v?

   "I love Justin Beiber" Hey Jeff, eat a Snickers, you're gay when youre hungry

   Toothpase is the smallest section at Wallmart

   Ever find out your wiper wash is empty AFTER you have smeared bug guts all over your windshield?

   I think a funny thing to do is call "How's My Driving" numbers on the backs of trucks and yell, "Well for starters GET OFF THE PHONE!"

   Some people's facebook $tatuse$ are ridiculously overdramatic. "going to school feels like a knife through my heart!!!" it's like, .....shut up.

   In some places in India it is cheaper to have sex with a prostitute than it is to buy a condom.

   Money doesn't buy you happiness is just a saying rich people made up to prevent poor people from wanting to rob them.

   You never see the GEICO Gecko driving a car in any of those commercials. I find that suspicious..

   Women are cool until they start loving you. That's when all the drama starts.

   One politician endorsing another is like poo endorsing diarrhea.

   Google+ is like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. It doesn't know it's dead yet.

   IDEA: Mood cars. Vehicle color changes based on drivers behavior. Turns red; they're angry. White; they're sick. Pink: they're pregnant.

   Hide and Seek scores are out! Remote Control: 16. Me: 0

   I'm dying to hear another Kevorkian joke, can I get an assist? Anyone? Anyone?

   A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.