Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
No facebook, I wanna know what's on your mind! 
I'm going to rename my iPhone "virginity", so I can run up and down halls screaming "I lost my virginity!!" several times a year.
Saw a vulture hauling a carcass across the highway. Thought of you Nancy.
Obama should resign a day early to make Biden the 45th president just to ruin all of Trump's merchandise.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
wants to remind all you out there that the proper way to annunciate it is "ValentiNes day" - not valentiMes day
a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never hear the end of it
people are really clever on facebook they always now what day it is and they always want to tell you its friday
NASCAR....Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks
Muslim sex dolls are the by far the best. Not only are they all virgins, but they blow themselves up!
I head they found a stash of porn with Bin Laden, guess that would be considered "Weapons of mass-terbation
OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS !!! 1. Hold your breath for 10 minutes. 2. Die.
Hey Monday!! /take That!!! ┌П┐(◕‿◕) ┌П┐
If guys could get pregnant there would be an abortion clinic on every corner and plan B would come in variety flavor packs
Your girl sends you nudes and she ain't holding the camera then you betta start asking questions bruh.
Walmart Guy: Sir, it should take about thirty minutes for your oil change. If you want to do some shopping, we will call your name out over the loudspeaker when we are finished. Me: If you want to live, you will not call my name out over the loudspeaker.
Well, everyone at this red light certainly knows who the best goddamn air drummer is.
I can't change the channel when those stupid snuggie commercials come on because I'm under a blanket and I don't want my arms to get cold.
... Turns out Mr. Sanders ISN'T the guy that makes that fried chicken .... So I gues I'm gonna have to vote for that ugly guy that screams and wears those ugly pant suits ....
Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt 