Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A girl sleeps wit a lot of men she's a sl*t, but if a guy sleeps with alot of women he's the man. Not a double standard, look at it like this. If a key opens alot of locks it's a master key, if a lock gets opened by alot of keys then it's a sh*tty lock.

   I do understand the proper usage of they're / their and there's / theirs.  I just intentionally misuse them to drive you A-types nuts!

   Dolphin position?... it's when your having sex doggy style and you go too put it in her ass and she turns around and goes eh eh eh eh.

   GAYS: if you drive a Fiat, you don't need a rainbow sticker. We already know.

   Single mothers must make the toughest decisions every day. Decisions like "Which children's toy is giving up its batteries for mommy?"

   In other news Paula Deen as made a statement in regards to the DOMA ruling: "I'm real excited for the fags, especially the colored ones."

   why does a woman have two sets of lips? One to argue with the other to apologize.

   If Jesus did jokes and not parables he’d probably have more than 12 followers.

   girls are like square roots. If they're under 15 you just do them in your head

   thinks it's pretty stupid that he can't remove his name from the status box here. I mean what kind of guy speaks of himself in third-person anyway? For real...

   ...They called it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken....

   gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! ONE. TWO. TEN!

   If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's a delightful animated Disney classic about a woman learning her place....

   Just walked into a McDonald's and refilled my soda cup from yesterday without paying. Thug life.

   The best part about being a M uslim girl is how you don’t have to wait for Halloween to wear your ninja costume.

   Oh...Jehovah Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween they say. I guess they don't appreciate random stangers coming to their front door.

   Three resons to stand up. 1) to go bathroom 2) to get the T.V remote and 3) because your the real slim shady.

   Every obese person needs a shirt that says "I beat Anorexia"

   I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets. For an hour or so usually.

   Like if you remember British Knights shoes