Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
God's last name is not Dammit 
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
I sure wish Texas had that $150billion that Obama gave to Iran.
That awkward moment when the newscaster confuses the name Obama with Osama
What do you call an Indian man that travels a lot?...........Bindair Dundat
If someone says, "why do bad things happen to good people?" Tell them that only happened once in history --- and He volunteered. Happy Easter everyone.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it's a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
State of the union speech is on. Hang on to your wallets.
saw a rather unattractive pregnant woman and thought, "Neat...Good for you."
Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
AR15 rifle with scope- $1,600, 900 Rds of Lake City XM193 AF 5.56 loaded in 30 magazines $600, Emergency food suplies $1000, Cost of everything during the zombie apocalypse = Priceless
What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex? Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your hole weak.
Happy Cinco De Miracle Whip ... I DON'T CARE FOR MAYO :)
George Zimmerman helped 4 people out of an overturned SUV. I'm guessing it wasn't a black SUV.
I went to jail as a teenager and I cried the whole time. Haven’t played Monopoly since.
With Obama and autocorrect, I don't have to take the blame for anything!
Hands down best Budweiser commercial ever. God bless our troops!
If you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don't have to sell you anything.
I think I'm gonna start giving ugly girls the phone numbers of guys I hate.
Saw a mail truck in the cemetery today. I guess they have started delivering the ballots! 