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hates it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. For the fifth time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party, freak. My dog is getting married
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12-07-2011 08:06 by
Griff
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It's normal for kids to play 'doctor.' Start worrying if you find them playing 'airport security.'
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11-26-2010 13:58
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Just when you think you have buried the past, They find another Body...
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11-29-2010 09:57 by
Marshall the Great
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I can't believe that it's the year 2010 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
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11-30-2010 13:59
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"Until death do us part” means we're all single in heaven, right?
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12-03-2010 02:34 by
Adam K Denny
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Do fleas ever wonder if there's life on other dogs?
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12-08-2010 23:32 by
Aaron
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There should be a statute of limitations on how long a person gets to blame their crappy childhood for their shortcomings.
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09-07-2010 08:46 by
Leeferd
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say's never go to a Doctor whose plants are dead in the waiting room!
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06-22-2009 15:32 by
KingTut
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thinks single-ply toilet paper should be a human rights violation.
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11-24-2009 15:17 by
Snypa
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70% of you might think I'm being disingenuous when I say I'm surprised that you "like" my status...The other 30% are googling "disingenuous"...
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05-13-2010 04:53
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Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command.
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05-26-2010 16:48
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Sunday marks the birth of America, which Americans celebrate by combining their love of drinking with their love of explosives.
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07-03-2010 08:36 by
lemonpillow
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The trouble with life is there's no background music
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07-20-2010 02:51 by
Rachael
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Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do dumb stuff is fired.
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07-31-2010 11:18
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Ironically, it's really hard when you suffer from impotency
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03-05-2010 19:10 by
Y.P
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...and then Buffy staked Edward. The end
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03-23-2010 14:58 by
ANGELA
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You know your'e getting old when you think an XBOX is where you keep your divorce papers.
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01-11-2011 12:59 by
Will Salameh
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I am the undefeated champion of this"smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don't-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day" game
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09-06-2012 10:19 by
Huck
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YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I'm watching how to make ice cream.
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10-02-2012 03:38 by
2FAST4U
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When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
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10-10-2012 22:17 by
BEGO
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