Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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why dont they complain when Catholic Churches are built by playgrounds?? 
Who says Obama's $870 Billion stimulus isn't creating job? About 50 house Republicans are gonna get a job because of it.
leting his eye lashes hug each other for few hours.
you can sleep with a blonde,you can sleep with a brunette, but you won't get any sleep with a redhead. ;)
super glued Al Gore's mouth in an effort to prevent further global warming
Angelina Jolie is the prettiest ugly chick I've ever seen!
WHO's GUILTY? Husband and Wife are sleeping. Wife dreaming at night suddenly shouts "Quick my husband is back". Husband gets up & jumps out of the window!
President Trump has golden hair like the Golden Child of mythic olden tales. Like, everything that he touches turns to gold. #GoldenPOTUS
If Hurricane Isaac hits Louisiana and costs us a dime of our Federal tax money....it's time we sell this b@tch back to France!!
Someone should make a TV game show called "Pregnant Or Not Pregnant?" and have contestants questioning fat girls for prizes.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing.
If there is a line of GAY people is it still a STRAIGHT line ?
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house... just trying to help
Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure… it's called a credit card.
wanna hear a joke? valentines day.
Unless your pickup line is: I have a full time job and I'm ready for commitment... I'm not interested.
P.E.T.A.= People Eating Tasty Animals....... I LOVE HUNTING SEASON!
A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.
life is all about ass. Your'e either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one!
Women cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls ... because they can 