Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3005 of 6446

Someday health nuts are going to look awful stupid laying in a hospital dying from nothing.
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11-27-2013 12:28
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I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man.
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06-26-2015 11:29
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I'm old but not "Change to Channel 3 to play video games" old.
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06-29-2015 10:31
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"Walk Like an Egyptian" is probably my favorite song about walking like an Egyptian, if I had to choose..
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07-05-2015 13:07
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Our lazy neighbor cant even rake his yard without clutching his chest and falling down...
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10-14-2015 13:35 by SEAN
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Sorry can't... Watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and taking copious notes.
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12-03-2015 18:06 by snotty
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over the river and through the woods, man this Uber driver is lost
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12-05-2015 11:18 by darthdav
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Not everyone in the front row is a fan. Your biggest hater will disguise themselves as a friend so that they can get closest to you and strike at close range.
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12-17-2015 10:03
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Someone in Walmart just bumped into me and my IQ dropped ten points.
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01-10-2016 12:35
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FYI: The average resident in Detroit has been murdered a minimum of 6 times
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01-11-2016 20:25 by snotty
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Hey Kanye....you think you made Taylor Swift famous? That's so cute.
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03-15-2016 05:26
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Kiss me I'm Irish, put a little tongue in it, I'm French too
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03-26-2016 08:44 by keetojb
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Fuel savings tip: Drive downhill as much as possible. If you must drive uphill, take a different route that goes downhill instead.
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03-31-2016 09:51
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Splenda Daddy: A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn't have the funds to pull it off.
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03-31-2016 23:22
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How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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04-16-2016 04:30
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Ted Cruz kept saying God wanted him to be President, and this is what happened. So either there is no God, or he reeeally doesn't like Ted.
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05-04-2016 18:56
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FACT; Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea.
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03-27-2013 19:53
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If evolution is so real... why are the Kardashians still mating with monkeys?
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03-27-2016 12:01
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I'm voting for Donald Trump just for the SNL jokes
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07-21-2015 15:54
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Michelle Obama has been picked as the world's most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place:............. Justin Bieber.
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10-11-2010 15:11 by jimbo
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