Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Someday health nuts are going to look awful stupid laying in a hospital dying from nothing.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man.
←Rate | 06-26-2015 11:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old but not "Change to Channel 3 to play video games" old.
←Rate | 06-29-2015 10:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Walk Like an Egyptian" is probably my favorite song about walking like an Egyptian, if I had to choose..
←Rate | 07-05-2015 13:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our lazy neighbor cant even rake his yard without clutching his chest and falling down...
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:35 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry can't... Watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and taking copious notes.
←Rate | 12-03-2015 18:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon over the river and through the woods, man this Uber driver is lost
←Rate | 12-05-2015 11:18 by darthdav Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not everyone in the front row is a fan. Your biggest hater will disguise themselves as a friend so that they can get closest to you and strike at close range.
←Rate | 12-17-2015 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone in Walmart just bumped into me and my IQ dropped ten points.
←Rate | 01-10-2016 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: The average resident in Detroit has been murdered a minimum of 6 times
←Rate | 01-11-2016 20:25 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Kanye....you think you made Taylor Swift famous? That's so cute.
←Rate | 03-15-2016 05:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kiss me I'm Irish, put a little tongue in it, I'm French too
←Rate | 03-26-2016 08:44 by keetojb Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fuel savings tip: Drive downhill as much as possible. If you must drive uphill, take a different route that goes downhill instead.
←Rate | 03-31-2016 09:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Splenda Daddy: A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn't have the funds to pull it off.
←Rate | 03-31-2016 23:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
←Rate | 04-16-2016 04:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ted Cruz kept saying God wanted him to be President, and this is what happened. So either there is no God, or he reeeally doesn't like Ted.
←Rate | 05-04-2016 18:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT; Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea.
←Rate | 03-27-2013 19:53 Comments (2)  


   messageicon If evolution is so real... why are the Kardashians still mating with monkeys?
←Rate | 03-27-2016 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm voting for Donald Trump just for the SNL jokes
←Rate | 07-21-2015 15:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Michelle Obama has been picked as the world's most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place:............. Justin Bieber.
←Rate | 10-11-2010 15:11 by jimbo Comments (0)  




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