father OR dad Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
←Rate | 05-29-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to dress up as Maury Povich for Halloween and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 18:05 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 20:11 by Tracy Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead
←Rate | 04-18-2012 11:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?
←Rate | 02-08-2013 08:08 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 07:18 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My chore list is cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For all of you Dads out there who went out for milk, and actually came back home -- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY......
←Rate | 06-19-2011 00:30 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon Danica Patrick's dad is probably the first father in history that's happy to see his daughter on the pole.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon father's day is a great time to stop into a strip club to remind yourself that you could have done worse as a father.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 21:25 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 00:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that
←Rate | 06-09-2013 21:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chicken strips because Chicken never knew her father.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 11:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 16:32 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nowadays, Father's Day is a good day to thank Dad for not running away from home.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 22:59 by markmc1965 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?
←Rate | 08-24-2012 09:28 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon No clean cereal bowls? Line a strainer with plastic wrap. Laziness is the father of invention.
←Rate | 09-08-2010 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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