father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Going to dress up as Maury Povich for Halloween and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 18:05 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 20:11 by Tracy Comments (0)  

   messageicon When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 07:18 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon $1400.00 per child? Hold up Maury, I just might be the father after all.
←Rate | 03-14-2021 11:25 by @svaldez187 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Getting home from fishing trip] MOM: Catch anything? ME: No, but a bear did MOM: Where’s your father?
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
←Rate | 12-11-2019 13:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My chore list is cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:08 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 03-24-2010 22:37 by Samir Momin Comments (2)  

   messageicon For all of you Dads out there who went out for milk, and actually came back home -- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY......
←Rate | 06-19-2011 00:30 by sully Comments (0)  

   messageicon Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.
←Rate | 11-19-2011 22:05 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Danica Patrick's dad is probably the first father in history that's happy to see his daughter on the pole.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon father's day is a great time to stop into a strip club to remind yourself that you could have done worse as a father.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 21:25 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon some old man is claiming Oprah is his daughter.... I think she should atleast interview him on her show. Not because he's her alleged father but because he's a black man admitting he's the baby daddy!
←Rate | 04-21-2010 01:07 Comments (2)  

   messageicon A friend who just returned from a visit to the recently looted CVS in Baltimore said all that was left in the entire store was suntan lotion and Father's Day cards...
←Rate | 05-11-2015 17:21 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 00:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father taught me that Respect was something that had to be earned ..... So I'm still trying to figure out how looting and burning other peoples stuff is supposed to build respect for your cause.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 12:30 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. :)
←Rate | 12-06-2009 21:16 Comments (0)  

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