Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Panhandling is so much easier with a red bucket and a bell.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 11:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k and 1mb. That was a trip down memory lane.
←Rate | 07-23-2010 03:35 by manbearpig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"
←Rate | 08-13-2010 18:18 by DYLAN BOSCH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies if you wanna get yo man a tie this Christmas thats fine...Just make sure you are wearing tie with nothing else on when you give it too him...
←Rate | 12-23-2010 22:59 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon The universe is 14 billion years old. It seems silly to celebrate one year... Be like having a parade every time I take a piss.
←Rate | 12-28-2010 18:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to complain because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. So I asked him if he had any shoes I could have since he didn't need them anymore.
←Rate | 10-24-2017 12:47 by FastPhil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most people sleep peaceably in their beds at night because there are men out there ready to do violence on their behalf.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 19:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The British Navy was able to defeat the Spanish Armada because they knew how to get more miles to the Galleon.
←Rate | 08-01-2018 13:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.
←Rate | 08-09-2018 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society’s way of preparing you for your driver’s license photo.
←Rate | 02-07-2022 13:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t know who needs to hear this, but raccoons are terrible in bed.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I invented the cold air balloon, but it never really took off
←Rate | 10-29-2020 11:01 by kip Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can’t believe we gave up hunting and gathering to pay rent.
←Rate | 01-14-2021 14:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was arrested by a policeman for sitting in the park not doing anything. The charge was impersonating a politician.
←Rate | 06-24-2019 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The FBI keeps insisting that the greatest threat to America is "Right Wing Extremist Groups." In the mean time people & cops are being murdered across the nation by anything other than that. Beginning to think the biggest threat is those FBI warnings.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Un-United States of America.....
←Rate | 07-22-2016 21:41 by Platt ave Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a guy hit 2 good balls today playing golf. He stepped on a rake.
←Rate | 06-17-2017 15:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the good ole days of sitting on the porch at nite watching the bugs fry on the bug zapper. How we would laugh and laugh.
←Rate | 06-18-2017 09:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They are not my haters, they are my fans! They just don't know it yet.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate how "lol" turns a perfectly good conversation into awkward silence for at least 10 seconds
←Rate | 07-24-2011 22:09 Comments (0)  




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