Funny Status Messages for FacebookThousands of statuses to update your Funny Facebook Status, Twitter status, or profile.
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X is messing with the new intern's mind and telling her to go pretend to water the fake plants...
X 'Battery Low'....Why the hell didn't they install sockets in the toilet?!
X is on the toilet pretending to be a fighter pilot dropping bombs into the ocean!
X says No more b!tch pills for YOU miss crabby A$$
X says I may be the girl of us two, but I think I've proven I've got way more balls.
X says So put that in your juice box and suck it!
X says If Tylenol, duct tape and a band-aid can't fix it...you've got serious problems.
X says Dear Tequila: We had a deal. You were supposed to make me sexier, smarter and a better dancer. But I saw the video. And I think we need to talk...
X I just told a lie and now my pants feel warm. I hope they dont catch fire!
X says On relationship status they should have "is getting played by_____________"
X What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes,
X is Would Like To Personally Thank VH1 and MTV. For helping the White Trash of America with jobs during these down economic times with the shows Jersey Shore, Tool Academy, And 16 And Pregnant..... Way To Stimulate Our Minds And Economy.
X says I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live...
X says What's a womans asshole and a battery have in common....? Sooner or later your gonna test it by putting your tongue on it.
X says The difference between women and batteries is that batteries have positive sides.
X is says Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
X Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
X says I think this new diet may be a little too strick. I actually look forward to paying bills because I get to lick the envelopes.
X is thinking about taking up golf to cure his sex addiction...if it worked for Tiger...
X is Today is hump day right? so how come I havent been humped today??