Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I bet the origin to the phrase, "When the sh!t hits the fan," is one heck of a story.
←Rate | 06-26-2011 09:58 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you purchased $1000 worth of Delta airlines stock one year ago, you would have $49. If you invested it in aig you'd have $33. If you spent $1000 on beer and recycled the cans you would have $214.50. Therefor drinking heavily is your best investment.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 11:39 by Will Comments (1)  

   messageicon Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 08:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Help me out on my friends list. If you don't know me, like me, or don't talk to me, Delete my ass. Thanks.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 14:59 by @HatchDadDee Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you really get to Sesame Street?
←Rate | 03-30-2011 13:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel like I'm livin out the movie friday in this damn recession.... Got cereal, no milk.. Got ham, no bread... Got koolaid, no sugar FML
←Rate | 07-29-2011 00:40 by Nikkj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got life alert just in case I ever get a life.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 04:11 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sure, whitepeople can't say the "n-word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "hey dad"
←Rate | 09-11-2014 21:24 by StonerDudee Comments (1)  

   messageicon I've just renamed my wifi network to "Police Surveillance Van #02". That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
←Rate | 12-17-2010 17:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old, and tell them its Santa Clause
←Rate | 11-22-2011 18:33 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon there is a big diffrence when a boy and a girl says "i went through a box of tissue watching a movie"
←Rate | 06-21-2011 16:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you put a empty 40oz bottle to your ear , you can hear the ghetto .
←Rate | 06-10-2011 18:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you drank too much last night when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator."
←Rate | 05-12-2011 12:07 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Dad, when can I use the car?" "When you cut that long hair." Why? Jesus had long hair." "Yeah, and he walked everywhere too!"
←Rate | 09-27-2011 15:16 by Mick F Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
←Rate | 01-30-2011 21:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  

   messageicon I wish you people would punctuate and capitalize your sentences correctly. It makes copying and pasting easier.
←Rate | 02-20-2011 07:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a spambot tells you to click a link to take an IQ test, that IS the IQ test.
←Rate | 02-25-2011 11:32 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 09:44 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the people of the land of the free and home of the brave ...we salute you and mourn with you...
←Rate | 09-11-2011 16:24 Comments (0)  

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