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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X I just told a lie and now my pants feel warm. I hope they dont catch fire!
←Rate | 03-10-2010 15:15 by Vito Comments (0)

X says On relationship status they should have "is getting played by_____________"
←Rate | 03-10-2010 15:16 by Samir Momin Comments (0)

X What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes,
←Rate | 03-10-2010 15:56 Comments (1)

X is Would Like To Personally Thank VH1 and MTV. For helping the White Trash of America with jobs during these down economic times with the shows Jersey Shore, Tool Academy, And 16 And Pregnant..... Way To Stimulate Our Minds And Economy.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 16:03 Comments (0)

X says I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live...
←Rate | 03-10-2010 16:41 by Samir Momin Comments (2)

X says What's a womans asshole and a battery have in common....? Sooner or later your gonna test it by putting your tongue on it.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 16:44 by Kylekk Comments (0)

X says The difference between women and batteries is that batteries have positive sides.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 16:46 by Kylekk Comments (0)

X is says Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 17:09 Comments (0)

X Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 17:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

X says I think this new diet may be a little too strick. I actually look forward to paying bills because I get to lick the envelopes.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 17:31 by bigedusw Comments (0)

X is thinking about taking up golf to cure his sex addiction...if it worked for Tiger...
←Rate | 03-10-2010 17:35 Comments (0)

X is Today is hump day right? so how come I havent been humped today??
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:06 Comments (0)

X wondering if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:42 Comments (0)

X doesn't have a girlfriend, but he does know a woman who'd be mad at him for saying that.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)

X My career plans were much more exciting when I was five.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I always wanted to be somebody. Now I realize that I should have been more specific.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X says Eating all of the marshmellows out of someones Lucky Charms is the highest form of disrespect.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 19:52 by Mike R. Comments (0)

X Protip: when wearing a waterbra, DO NOT lift a heavy box of sheet metal. You'll either end up with a hefty lefty or a mighty righty, not to mention a gigantic wet spot.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 21:02 Comments (0)

X says S.H.I.T.: So Happy It's Thursday.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 22:04 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)

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