Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
COMING SOON... OSAMA ON PARADE, sources say he will be dragged behind a series of army hummers, police cruisers and firetrucks,he will be taken to ground zero and they will charge 20 dollars to piss on his body, thus clearing our national debt!! 
wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.
She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
Why can't Horatio Caine figure out Dexter Morgan is a serial killer?
By forecasting freezing rain, the weatherman told us to have an ice day.
There's an 80% chance that a meteorologist is going to be wrong.
I would kill to see a Dave Chapelle Charley Murphy: True Hollywood Story of Charlie Sheen... :\
Notice Liars have 2 or 3 stories like a big house!!!!
When I was a boy all I ever wanted was super sized tree house and a Jetson style Jetpack. But then my desires became more grown up over the years and now all I want is some dancing Hamsters from the Kia Soul commercials
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I'm sorry you'll never know.
There would be less drunk driving in the world if Jack In The Box delivered.
Becareful how you treat people.... for the toes you step on today may be connected to the @$$ you kiss tomorrow
Every girl has a slutty friend.....and if you people were any kind of friend at all, you would introduce me to yours
I gave three women Corona's today and not one of them appeared in a bikini! Dang false advertising!!
Blackberry must be a woman cause only a woman can ignore you for 3 days straight and then pretend nothing was wrong.. Next time I will buy a Louis Vuitton cover so she starts talking again.. :-)
Just saw graffiti of someone's Twitter name. It's official- the world is ending.
why are most king-size comforters so ugly? My bed is not an obese woman in need of a flowered, polyester muumuu.
You have to realize women love challenges. They always want what they can't have.
What do Apple and the US economy have in common now? No Jobs 