Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Hillbilly from AR on the news last night, I am sure that all the dead birds in your town were not from Aliens invading earth, I'm positive that if invaders have the technology to come to Earth and wanted to scare you, throwing birds at you would no

   says it is so cold outside, that even the guy at the gas station had a towel on his head!

   bringing Afro's back....this message is sponsored by humidity

   With all that weight loss, 50 Cent looks like one of those crazy people from "I Am Legend"

   I am fixing to pull out your voodoo doll. I suggest you brace yourself...

   I'm not usually a fan of cliche's, but every now and then it's ok to ask yourself what you're truly thankful for...

   definitely thinks you're a tool...just not the right one for the job.

   this status has been blocked by your manditory internet censorship filter for your own good.

   Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...

   behind every good man is a woman and behind her another man stairing at her butt

   Facebook isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble

   I Did not I Repeat I Did not sleep with that young intern I Was up all night

   withes that sometimes the Prince and the Slut would live happily ever after.. like in the movies.

   wonders what the proper amount of Thin Mints to eat in one sitting are? One Cookie? Two? One Tube? Two?

   On the other hand... You have differnt fingers

   How can October be Breast awareness month? Men notice them all the time!

   I'm a whole new breed of special.

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   Does anyone else find the irony in Sarah Jessica Parker doing those facial cream commercials for a younger looking face?

   ...is hoping that Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan find each other...