Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

   Why is in that in America they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

   I Think there is in every girl's life a boy she'll never forget and a summer where it all began.

   Every woman on facebook wants to be a Model, Every man wants to do a model....so I guess it works out

   Why don't the blind go skydiving? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

   has never been good with foreign languages. He just tried to wish someone a happy birthday in Spanish, and what he wound up saying was, "The hooker chews on poisoned lugnuts."

   We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..

   Seriously? The iPad? I'll just wait till they come out with a sleeker version... the iTampon.

   wishes mean people would go live on the planet Uranus.

   "Do you have faceboook?" ... "no but I have a myspace!" ... ummm 'we dont speak the same language'

   Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?

   the people sitting around me should all be wearing helmets

   Thought it was true love, but you know women lie.

   note to mistress...if I am ever trapped in a mine or anywhere that TV crews and the WHOLE world is watching...please keep your a** at home..watch it on TV..I will call you when I can....just sayin..lol Happy Thursday...smile

   I'm really starting to get concerned about the lack of seatbelt use on the bangbus..

   Whatever happen to all the Kony fever?

   Occupy North Pole, because Santa loves the rich kids more.........

   FACT: Handicapped parking spaces to handicapped drivers ratio is way too high.

   Once you're on the third movie, isn't it just Normal Activity?

   Blah Blah Blah can you Blah Blah Blah . Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah . I need you to Blah Blah Blah . I think my wife is talking to me