Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I Think there is in every girl's life a boy she'll never forget and a summer where it all began.

   Every woman on facebook wants to be a Model, Every man wants to do a model....so I guess it works out

   Why don't the blind go skydiving? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

   has never been good with foreign languages. He just tried to wish someone a happy birthday in Spanish, and what he wound up saying was, "The hooker chews on poisoned lugnuts."

   We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..

   Seriously? The iPad? I'll just wait till they come out with a sleeker version... the iTampon.

   wishes mean people would go live on the planet Uranus.

   "Do you have faceboook?" ... "no but I have a myspace!" ... ummm 'we dont speak the same language'

   Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?

   the people sitting around me should all be wearing helmets

   Thought it was true love, but you know women lie.

   note to mistress...if I am ever trapped in a mine or anywhere that TV crews and the WHOLE world is watching...please keep your a** at home..watch it on TV..I will call you when I can....just sayin..lol Happy Thursday...smile

   U don't need friends to show how cool you r, or how great ur personality is. The tiger spends most of his time alone while sheeps are always in a herd

   That girl is a LOBSTER! All the meat is in the tail.

   it is so hot I saw a bird use potholders to remove a worm from the ground

   if you catch your woman having sex with another woman, just say the three magic words, "Tag me in!"

   "God has a sense of humor. Don't believe me?... go to Walmart and just look at people."

   Supervisors never get sick but their employees are sick throughout half the year...

   Anthony Weiner just needs to call Bill Clinton and get advice from a pro.

   OMG! Maury Povich just pulled up with a camera crew.. My fathers day just got complicated.