Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Am I the only one who watches prescription drug commercials and while they are listing the side effects like, dementia, loss of vision, and thoughts of suicide, suddenly think of an ex?

   I take off my clothes, but I trip over my jeans. But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.

   If I don't have my budget balanced by tomorrow, I am just going to shut down...

   When you're waiting for him in his T-shirt, it's cute. But when he's waiting for you in your T-shirt, it's time to start worrying.

   it just me, or is everyones day ruined when you hear that J.G. Wentworth commerical? No matter when, where or even how I hear it, that damn commericals song gets stuck in my head. Damn you J.G. Wentworth and you ability to get my cash now!

   Hockey mask... Check... Machete... Check... Horny campers, that's easy!

   They tried to make me go to rapture and I said no, no, no.

   If you have to ask why I don't like you, you just answered your own question.

   All Right.unless you are a cup of coffee stay outa my face for the next hour!

   Got this great new calorie counting app. Each day I go for a new high score.

   Sorry I'm not rioting, my tracksuit is in the wash.

   I do not like them in my inbox. I do not like them from a blond fox. I do not like your webcam spam. I do not like them, Scam I Am.

   oday I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again.

   Damn Earthquake made me spill my tea, and I'm a 1000 miles away.. I'm available for interviews ; )

   Your "ex" can be your worst enemies. They know your weaknesses, secrets and your personal business.

   A teenager is always lazy to hold a pencil and write but never too lazy to hold a cell phone and type..

   There are some people on Facebook who don't understand the difference between 'Whats on your mind?' And ‘I should probably see a therapist about this'

   Lebron's Hairline is so far back it played against Larry Bird.

   i don't go trick or treating, I wait the next day and buy the leftover candy on sale

   finished his first book in 24 years...That was a hell of a lot of coloring!