Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They tried to make me go to rapture and I said no, no, no.

   If you have to ask why I don't like you, you just answered your own question.

   All Right.unless you are a cup of coffee stay outa my face for the next hour!

   Got this great new calorie counting app. Each day I go for a new high score.

   Sorry I'm not rioting, my tracksuit is in the wash.

   I do not like them in my inbox. I do not like them from a blond fox. I do not like your webcam spam. I do not like them, Scam I Am.

   oday I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again.

   Damn Earthquake made me spill my tea, and I'm a 1000 miles away.. I'm available for interviews ; )

   Your "ex" can be your worst enemies. They know your weaknesses, secrets and your personal business.

   A teenager is always lazy to hold a pencil and write but never too lazy to hold a cell phone and type..

   There are some people on Facebook who don't understand the difference between 'Whats on your mind?' And ‘I should probably see a therapist about this'

   Lebron's Hairline is so far back it played against Larry Bird.

   i don't go trick or treating, I wait the next day and buy the leftover candy on sale

   finished his first book in 24 years...That was a hell of a lot of coloring!

   Cool thing to do: Read the ingredients of something a friend is eating then stop midway and ask something like"What is Ar-se-nic? Did I say it right?".

   Ever drive somewhere, completely zoned out, and wonder, ‘How the heck did I just get here?' Then start freaking out about how many red lights you must have ran. Yeah, happens all the time.

   Unicorns are really just weaponized ponies.

   If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return for refund Mondays...

   so its valentines day.. does that mean I am suppose to have a heart on?

   "So whose the Doctor who overdose Whitney Houston and how many years he getting?", says Dr Conrad.......